Do I Have What It Takes?

Do I have what it takes to fulfill my dreams?
Do I know what to do when I just want to scream?
Where do I turn when I get this confused?
Where do I run when I don't want to chose?

How did I end up the way that I am?
Are you sure I can turn back and be whole again?
How can I trust you? How can I know?
Can you save me from the bottom of this despairing hole?

I want to reach out, grasp tightly your hand.
Never let go so I'll be able to stand.
But something keeps me curled against the wall.
I won't even look at the possibilities leaving might befall.

Should this choice be as hard as it seems.
Or am I making up in my brain these lofty schemes?
I reached out before but ascend I did not.
Maybe this hole could be what I want?

The days have passed,
Accustomed I grow.
Sometimes I don't remember why I want out of this hole.
Are you sure there is something better?
Something more to my life?
How do I know you're not simply taking away the good?

But I seem to be sick more and more as I sit.
Did this happen before? Am I just imagining it?
Now others have begun to look in my hole.
They shout down comments that disrupt the comfort that has grown.
They say I'm "sick", "I'm here for you" and ****.
Why can't they just leave me here in the pit?

Day after day these comments they yell
Asking me when and why it was I fell.
They say they love me and that there is a better way
Then they start reaching out and I look their way.

It's time to decide.
Two worlds I'm between.
I know what to do to become me.
This hole has suffocated the person within.
Sicker and sicker my body begins
To toil and shutter at every move
Then they have the nerve to send me down food.
I refuse and turn away.
Hospital they say.

How did it happen? Where'd I begin?
Wasn't this supposed to make me happy?
Not become a loner in sin. I sit here now forced to make a decision,
I could in the beginning, freely made.
I regret I didn't on that frightful day.
In the hole I felt safe but worth it twas not.
Now it's time to fight and refuse to give up.

I believe there is hope outside of this hole.
More to life than the darkness would show.
It's frightening out here but not as frightening as down there.
Here my journey begins. Here the possibilities are fair.

~Jessica~

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