So how do I help my family member who is struggling with an eating disorder? Every person varies in what helps or what doesn’t help but there are general things that apply to most people struggling with eating disorders. I came up with these from reading other resources, my own experience and from what others have told me helped them.

Here’s a letter from my Mom on what she felt when she found out I had an eating disorder.

To all parents with a child suffering with an eating disorder, it’s normal to be scared and confused but I hope this letter helps you understand a little bit more of what to do to help. Also I want you to know you are not alone. Finding out about my daughters eating disorder was the worse feeling ever. A friend of mine told me about it after Jessica confided in her first. It really hurt because she felt she couldn’t trust me enough to tell me herself. I always thought we had a good relationship. After finding out I tried to convince myself it wasn’t real. How could that happen to my daughter? What would make her feel she had to throw up and starve herself? What could I do to help?

After I found out I was frustrated because I didn’t understand. Being concerned, confused, and not knowing what to do next added to the tension. At that point I felt Jessica wanted help which is why she told my friend. We got her into counseling but I still didn’t know what to say. Saying nothing seemed like the way to go. But she tells me now that made her feel like I didn’t care.

She still struggled. The easy fix method just doesn’t work in the case of eating disorders. You can’t tell them don’t do it. They don’t even know why they do it. In my daughters case she felt that it was her only control. The only way she could find comfort from the craziness of life. That may sound strange but she is a very driven person and tried to do everything and when it wasn’t good enough she felt she failed. Even though I continually tell myself that I should have done more the fact of the matter is. I did the best I could. It was her problem, her struggle and putting the blame on myself only crippled my ability to help her. It doesn’t matter why. What matters is how to get them better.

With her recovered and looking back on all we went through. I now wish I would have asked more questions. I wish I would have limited her activities for her own interests. If I had she may not have become so overwhelmed and driven to a point of self harm to cope. I’ve learned that you have to be very aware of how your child is feeling, if any physical appearances have changed, and even for verbal cues like “I feel fat”, “I’m not hungry today.” Pay attention! Do they eat meals in their room or say they already ate? Don’t be afraid to talk to them. They can get better with your help.

The road is hard but now that my daughter is healthy the struggles were well worth it. She’s a very beautiful young lady, with God in her life and music in her heart. She has a bright, exciting future that isn’t full of pain and food control. I’m very proud that she has taken this experience and used it to help others deal with their own eating disorders. I know she has motivated others to get help so I want to motivate you to not get angry, try to understand, communicate, and get them help!! Don’t look at your child as who they are now but in who they can be without an eating disorder. Let that motivate you to do whatever it takes to save your child’s life.

~Kathy~